


Southern Traditions (Are a Good Cover-Up)

by stingerpicnic (ibelieveinfiction)



Series: have i told you that I love you? a thousand times in a thousand ways (Snufmin Week 2019) [6]
Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: 5+1 Things, First Kiss, Fluff, Hand Kisses, Hand Massage, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Snufmin Week 2019, Snusmumriken | Snufkin Has Paws and a Tail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 03:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19220779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinfiction/pseuds/stingerpicnic
Summary: Snufkin's heart really can't take this. Thisthingthat he's started between them. Of course, it's everything he's ever wanted, but then Moomintroll is only doing this as a friend.Or, five times Snufkin thinks Moomintroll kisses his paw as a friend and one time he doesn't.





	Southern Traditions (Are a Good Cover-Up)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kittyorange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyorange/gifts).



> Guess who just banged this thing out in like, a day. You're right. It was me.
> 
> A big, big, BIG thanks to [@candycorncartooncat](https://candycorncartooncat.tumblr.com/) (tumblr)/[@kittyorange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyorange/pseuds/kittyorange) (ao3)! They helped me plan this out and encouraged me!! This fic wouldn't be what it is without them.
> 
> Written for Snufmin Week 2019. Day Six: Kisses

"It's a Southern tradition I learned on my travels," Snufkin says, forcing calm into his voice. He's _definitely_ panicking, though. He can't believe he just _did that._ But now he has to play it off, somehow. "It's done to show affection between friends."

What's _wrong_ with him? He shouldn't have done it at all. He _knows_ he shouldn't have. He told himself not to the _moment_ he thought about it.

But he then he looked at Moomintroll and he _wanted_ to. _So_ badly. He wanted it more than was really all that reasonable. And the opportunity was there. Moomintroll looked so beautiful in the sunlight, his white fur shining and his gorgeous blue eyes sparkling. His paw was even in his own already. So he went and did it before he could stop himself.

He raised Moomintroll's paw to his lips and pressed a kiss onto the back of it.

 _What_ is _wrong_ with him?

"Oh!" Moomintroll says, his confused surprise melting into his excitement, a bright, wide smile stretching across his face. His eyes are sparkling even more now and when Snufkin looks into those beautiful eyes he sees happiness shining back at him. And something else, too, something he can't identify but knows isn't bad all the same. It strikes his heart in a way he almost feels like he doesn't deserve, not when he's not being entirely truthful to him. "Thank you for sharing it with me!"

Moomintroll looks down at their paws for a moment.

"Is it-Can I do it back? Is that okay?" he finally says.

Snufkin feels a bit like he might faint.

"Yes," he says without really thinking about the consequences. "You don't have to ask. Not ever."

Moomintroll smiles at him again, looking him in the eye as he raises Snufkin's paw to his own mouth and presses a kiss to the back of it. Snufkin feels the contact burn up his arm and set his heart on fire. It's the same thing, the _exact_ same thing that Snufkin did just moments before, if a little slower. Moomintroll, kind, caring, considerate Moomintroll, giving him a chance to pull away. Not that he _would_ pull away. Not even if he wanted to. He can't move, can barely _breathe_ , pinned in place by Moomintroll's gorgeous blue eyes. He wants to drown in them, soak up the affection he sees there until he's sick with it.

By the _ocean,_ why does it feel so much more intimate now than when he did it himself? That just isn't _fair_.

Moomintroll lowers his paw back down but doesn't break his gaze for a long moment after. That _something_ is back in his eyes and Snufkin thinks that maybe if he looks hard enough he might be able to put a name to it. But then Moomintroll looks back at the scenery they were enjoying before Snufkin decided he might as well ruin his life today. Or, well, the scenery _Moomintroll_ was enjoying, Snufkin was quite thoroughly distracted staring at _him._ He could look at scenery anytime, but there were precious few times he had the opportunity to just stare at Moomintroll. He was prettier than any scenery anyways.

Moomintroll looks away from him, but Snufkin is stuck staring at the same place his eyes had been seconds before, feeling like he's fallen in love with his best friend all over again. Fallen suddenly and deeply, like he was pushed from a ledge, like the floor dropped out from underneath him, like he really _did_ drown in the blue, blue, _blue_ of Moomintroll's eyes.

And he told Moomintroll he could do it again, didn't he?

 _Stars,_ how is he going to be able to deal with this?

 

* * *

 

He's not dealing with it. Not well, anyways. Actually, he's doing worse than he expected he would.

The day after Moomintroll kissed his paw for the first time, Snufkin decided it was time for some alone time. He needed time to cope with what happened so he wouldn't act like a complete fool in front of Moomintroll the next time he saw him. So he packed up his campsite and went on a hike.

The hope that maybe Moomintroll would forget what he said in the time he was gone was present in the back of his mind, but he didn't put much stock in it.

Regardless of whether Moomintroll forgot about it over the last few days, _Snufkin_ definitely didn't. He couldn't stop thinking about it the _entire_ time he was gone and he's _still_ thinking about it now that he's back. He's thought about it so much, gone over every detail and every sensation so many times in his mind that he can almost feel the press of Moomintroll's lips against the back of his paw even now.

At least Moomintroll doesn't seem to think anything is off. Or if he does he's not letting on to it. He still seems perfectly comfortable to sit next to him on the bridge and fish.

Snufkin wonders how he does it, contentedly sitting beside him like nothing has happened. Because, for his part, Snufkin is torn between alternating desires to both run away from him and press against him as close as he can possibly get. But then again, he supposes that nothing of note happened for Moomintroll. He _did_ tell him it was something done between friends after all.

At the edge of his vision, Moomintroll perks and turns to look at him.

"Oh! I just remembered. The other day I was thinking about that Southern tradition you showed me and I came up with something," he says. His voice is bright and when Snufkin risked a glance at him he spots his tail waving excitedly behind him.

"Oh? And what was that?" he says, feeling like he might regret asking.

"Give me your paw," he says instead of explaining, holding out his own. There's something in his eyes that Snufkin recognizes from earlier. What _is_ it? He doesn't know, but regardless of whether he knows the exact emotion present in his eyes or not, he can't resist Moomintroll, not when he's asking something so simple.

Oh, he's _absolutely_ going to regret this. He knows he is. But he still takes one of his paws off his fishing rod and sets it in Moomintroll's.

He feels Moomintroll's fingers curl around his own, not so tight that he can't pull his paw away but tightly enough that there's something about it that makes him feel _safe_.

Snufkin is abruptly reminded that Moomintroll is _very_ strong. Strong enough to pick him up and carry him easily. But he knows he would never hurt him.

Moomintroll raises their paws slowly. A shiver of anticipation runs the length of Snufkin's spine as he waits to experience press of lips against the back of his paw again.

But that doesn't happen. There's no press of lips. Instead, Moomintroll presses the front of his snout onto the back of his paw.

Snufkin freezes.

He might have thought that this might be less intimate than lips, but he would have been wrong. Though it _does_ feel a bit different, it's definitely just as intimate.

He can feel Moomintroll's warm breath ruffling his fur as he exhales. It tickles a bit, but it's still enjoyable, still more than enough to send blood rushing to cheeks in a blush and a terribly warm sensation running up his arm to melt his heart. It only gets more enjoyable as Moomintroll starts gently moving his snout back and forth.

But then Snufkin suddenly remembers that this is how Moomins kiss, with snouts pressed together and soft nuzzling. He can't stop his sharp intake of breath as his heart abruptly squeezes in his chest.

Oh. _Oh._ Okay.

Moomintroll lowers their hands and offers him a smile so bright that Snufkin is sure the sun could go out and he wouldn't notice. That something is still in his eyes but he's no closer to figuring out what it might be.

"It's a combination of the Southern tradition and the traditions of home! Or, well, some of my traditions at least," he says.

Oh. _Oh._ Oh no. That's too cute. That's _adorable._ How is Snufkin expected to not do something drastic? How is he supposed to _not_ love him more than anything in the world? How is he supposed to resist leaning over and kissing the life out of him?

He doesn't know how, but he _does_ resist shocking Moomintroll by kissing him out of nowhere. He is _significantly_ less successful in trying to not fall further in love in love with him.

"Oh, that's very clever, Moomintroll," he says, trying to keep out the soft breathlessness he can feel wanting to creep into his voice. "Thank you."

Look at him, saying thank you for the very thing that's likely going to break his heart. Because he's _sure_ that's how this will end. One day Moomintroll will figure out what this actually is, he'll figure out that his best friend has gone and fallen so deeply in love with him that he can barely breathe through the feeling and he'll never want to talk to him again.

He supposes that he'll have his heart broken eventually though, regardless of what he does. One day Moomintroll will fall in love with someone else and they'll get married and start their own little family and Snufkin will be left all alone again, unable to look at their happiness for long without running from it.

At least this is a nice end.

 

* * *

 

It's raining.

It's raining and Snufkin has done something undeniably foolish.

He let the Moomins convince him to stay the night. He wasn't going to agree, but then Moomintroll looked at him with such desperate eyes and softly implored him to stay, telling him that the storm was supposed to be bad tonight and he would be so worried knowing he was out there and not inside where it's warm and dry.

Snufkin said yes before he even had the chance to think about it. He didn't want to worry him and, if he's being honest, he _missed_ him. He's been taking far too many trips by himself lately to deal with everything, he thinks. He wanted to spend time with Moomintroll again. He _wanted_ to stay.

So now he's laying in Moomintroll's bed wearing some of his spare pajamas. They're oversized on him, but they're also warm and soft with age and use. They remind him so much of Moomintroll himself, large and soft and always willing to wrap him up in a warm, comfortable hug. He doesn't normally like clothes other than the few he owns, but he thinks he likes these.

Now all of that would be perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that Moomintroll is _also_ in bed with him.

He doesn't know why that bothers him so much. They've shared beds and tents and body heat more times than he can count. This shouldn't be any different.

But then, he reminds himself, all of those things happened before he started this whole paw kissing situation. Whether Moomintroll noticed or not, it changes things for Snufkin, just a bit, just _enough_ for him to feel like it might not be appropriate for him to cuddle up to Moomintroll like he might readily do at any other time.

So now he's left awake in the dark room staring at Moomintroll's dozing face, laying rigidly on the bed as far away from him he can get without falling off. Which isn't terribly far, actually, but it still makes him feel better.

It's not a terrible thing, he thinks, to be stuck staring at Moomintroll in the dark. The moonlight that's filtering in through the window provides enough light that he can trace the sleep softened lines of his face and watch the rise and fall of his body to count his breaths.

Moomintroll is gorgeous in the dark, he thinks, not for the first time, though he feels slightly guilty for doing so while he's in his bed. The white of his fur stands out, making him easy to find. It's a comfort, if he's being honest. He'll always be able to find Moomintroll in the dark, whether they're in the forest or in his very own room. And he fits so well in this room. Though Snufkin supposes that makes sense, it  _is_ his room after all.

He's all soft lines and softer fur and blunt edges and squishy goodness that only softens him further, hiding hard, strong muscles and sharp bones. He's so different from himself and Snufkin loves that about him. Snufkin is all straight lines and sharp edges and he's not all that squishy. His bones may not stick out but they're certainly not as well padded as Moomintroll's.

They're very different, he thinks, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. He can appreciate both of them, though he'll always argue that Moomintroll is more beautiful. But that's what love does, it makes him biased.

Still, he wouldn't change either of them for the world. He likes Moomintroll just the way he is and he doesn't think he'd like the way he fits against him nearly as much if he was shaped too much differently. He _loves_ the way they way they fit together, even if he's avoiding it right now.

He wishes that he didn't feel like he _has_  to avoid it. He wishes he could lay in Moomintroll's arms on more nights than he doesn't, even if he'll never be comfortable with _every_ night. He wishes he could wake up early in the morning and wake Moomintroll with kisses and the love he deserves.

He wishes a lot of things, but for now all he can do is sit and watch, feeling like he's telling a lie by being here at all.

As he watches, Moomintroll pats the bed immediately next to him and makes a small, soft, confused sort of sound, cracking open his eyes. His brow furrows.

"Snufkin? Is something wrong?" he says, voice thick with sleep.

"Oh, um, no. Nothing's wrong, Moomintroll," he whispers into the darkness. "Go back to sleep."

Moomintroll makes a discontented sound, obviously not satisfied with his answer. His paw finally finds Snufkin's side.

"Relax, Snufkin," he says. A small squeeze is the only he gets before Moomintroll adjusts his grip and drags him across the bed to settle against his chest.

"Moomintroll--" he starts, paws coming up to push weakly against his chest.

Moomintroll grabs one of his paws and brings it up to his mouth. Snufkin stops pushing. He can't move, staring at Moomintroll in the dark with wide eyes.

"Shhh," he says, pressing his lips against the back of his paw. It's softer than the last time he did it, his lips sleep soft and yielding. It's still just as precious as the other two and sends the same sort of warm electricity shooting up his arm and settling in around his heart. It's nearly overwhelming, the dark making the moment seem even _more_ intimate than the others. But then he remembers that it isn't nearly so intimate to Moomintroll and heart suddenly feels a bit like a pincushion underneath the warmth. "Relax."

There's a buzzing in Snufkin's head, shoving all his thoughts out and demanding all his attention, though he can't decipher any meaning from it. But it's better than the thoughts that were running around in his mind before, so he supposes it doesn't matter whether it's meaningless or not.

Though maybe it _does_ have meaning. If he concentrates hard enough he can almost match it up to the buzz of affection and love and breathless awe and painful longing that his heart always seems to get wrapped up in around Moomintroll. But he's tired and he doesn't have enough energy to think about it too much, so he just accepts that the buzzing is nice and warm and gentle enough to be comforting. He doesn't need to analyze it too much to know that.

Moomintroll shoves Snufkin's paw under his cheek and brings his arm down to wrap Snufkin up in a hug, pulling him closer and tucking Snufkin's head beneath his chin. Snufkin both hears and feels the rumbling purr that starts up in his chest. He's helpless to stop his own.

He relaxes then, sinking into the soft strength of Moomintroll's chest. He might as well, it's unlikely he'll be able to move tonight and the position _is_ nice. Warm and comforting and safe. He can almost forget that Moomintroll is and only ever _will_ be his friend. Nothing more, but maybe one day less.

He falls asleep like that, eventually, though it takes a moment for the sharp ache in his heart to fade enough. One paw pressed between Moomintroll's soft pillow and the softer fur of his cheek, still tingling from the kiss. The other tangled in the thick fur of his chest. His head resting on Moomintroll's chest, listening to his purr and the soft thump of his heartbeat, two of the most comforting sounds he's ever heard.

 

* * *

 

Snufkin is enjoying the companionable silence that's so common with Moomintroll. He's always really liked that about him, that he doesn't feel the need to fill every silence. He's always liked a lot of things about Moomintroll. But look where that's gotten him: endlessly pining for his best friend and only seeing him once every few days because he's being tortured by platonic paw kisses.

Moomintroll is sitting beside him now, close enough that their knees press together. He's chosen to loop his tail together with Snufkin's, but he's done that before, especially when they're alone. So Snufkin firmly tells his heart that it's nothing to get worked up about. His heart shouldn't flutter and his cheeks shouldn't color because of this. And they won't. Eventually. Probably. _Hopefully._

He's reading a book he brought with him. Snufkin doesn't know what the book is or what it's about and he's far too respectful of his privacy to try reading over his shoulder. But Moomintroll is almost always smiling whenever he glances over at him, so he figures that it must be entertaining at the very least. He's glad that he's happy. He's even _more_ glad that he gets to _see_ him being happy, that Moomintroll feels comfortable enough to not hide his smiles and quiet laughs and squeals behind walls he can't climb. Not that he does that to anyone, really. But Snufkin still thinks it's a gift.

For his part, Snufkin has been whittling for the last couple hours. He's making a spoon, because it's not a terribly difficult thing to make, at least not until he gets to some of the finer details on the handle.

It's a good hobby, he thinks. Whittling, that is. It's relaxing and rewarding and allows him to make things that might have practical value. It's also been helping him keep his eyes firmly _off_ of Moomintroll for the most part, which is certainly something he needs. If he couldn't find _something_ to distract himself he would surely look at Moomintroll every second that he was in his company. But that wouldn't be subtle _at all,_ now would it? So he can't do that. A shame really, Moomintroll is so beautiful to look at.

But then if he _could_ look at Moomintroll all day and all night it's likely that he would do something he might regret again. Like kiss him, but this time on his lips or on his snout. A proper kiss.

And he _would_ do it. He knows he would now. Maybe not immediately, but eventually, surely. It didn't take more than a slip in his concentration, a _moment_ of lost control for him to reach over and draw his paw to his lips for a kiss for the first time. It could happen again.

But he's been whittling for a while now. And in his desire to not look at Moomintroll as much as possible he hasn't taken many breaks. So, now that he's thinking about it he can feel the ache in his paw from holding the knife for so long and another in his other paw from holding the wood so tightly.

Snufkin sighs and puts the knife and his half finished project away, massaging his paws. The ache won't go away if he doesn't stop and if he keeps going it will only get worse.

"Is something wrong, Snufkin?" Moomintroll says, obviously having noticed what he's doing.

"Oh, no. I've just got a cramp is all," he says, looking over at him. There's concern in his eyes, but also that something else that Snufkin's been puzzling over since he started this.

Moomintroll puts his book down. Snufkin catches a glimpse of the cover, something about falling? Or maybe about fall? The book is carefully set down on Moomintroll's far side before he can determine anything else. But he doesn't get much more time to wonder what it could have been because suddenly Moomintroll gently but firmly grabs one of his paws and starts massaging it.

"You really should take more breaks, you know. Then this wouldn't happen," he says, gently teasing him before looking down and concentrating on his self assigned task.

Snufkin kind of wants to say something to that, but he doesn't think he _can._ He has the feeling that whatever he might try to say might just end up coming out as a moan. He's _already_ having to bite back little embarrassing sounds. It just feels so _good._

He's in heaven, really. He doesn't know if he's ever felt this nice in his _life._

His mind is blank. Completely, utterly blank. All he can think about is the press of Moomintroll's thumbs into the fleshy parts of his palm, the way he presses and squeezes each of his fingers in turn, forcing them to flex and unsheath his claws, the way he flexes and rubs at wrist and the back of his paw, the firm press his thumbs into the spaces between his fingers and the spaces between his very _bones._ It's all making his entire arm feel very pleasantly tingly.

Moomintroll has always been rather strong, and his hands haven't escaped that strength. Snufkin almost feels like he could snap his fingers at any second. He probably could, too. He's seen Moomintroll do a great many things that _must_ have required _far_ more strength. But the thing is that he never _would._ Snufkin can turn to putty in his hands, confident in the fact that Moomintroll would never _ever_ hurt him.

He's purring and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it. He closed his eyes, too, at some point. He doesn't know when. He doesn't think it matters.

Or maybe it does, because he has absolutely _no_ warning when he suddenly feels lips press to the very center of his palm.

His eyes snap open with his gasp, a hot blush already making itself at home on his cheeks. He's immediately met with Moomintroll's eyes staring back at him, his paw still pressed to his lips under his snout. That unnamable thing that's been shining in his eyes is still there, only stronger now, Snufkin thinks. He still can't place it.

"Does your paw feel better now?" Moomintroll asks, losing his paw down to his lap.

He sounds remarkably _normal,_ Snufkin thinks through the fog that's come over his mind. Like nothing out of the ordinary has just happened. Like he's not burning in the same way Snufkin is. Like his heart isn't tangled in the same bramble patch as his is, vines squeezing in time with heartbeat and thorns cutting into him, reminding him that none of this is real, not _really._ Like he's not ready to burst from all the emotions that have crowded his chest.

He doesn't think that's very _fair._

"Yes," he says. It comes out significantly rougher and thicker than Moomintroll's words had.

"Great! Do you want me to do your other paw?" he says. It's an out. An opportunity for him to jump ship before this goes too far. He knows it is. He should probably take it.

Instead, he nods his head, no longer trusting his voice, and offers Moomintroll his other paw.

This has already gone too far, and there's no going back now. He might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

He can deal with the slight pain his heart later.

 

* * *

 

Moomintroll looks gorgeous in the light from his cookfire.

Of course, that's something he's known for a long time, since the first time he saw him bathed in firelight. But the length of time he's known it does nothing to diminish the beauty of Moomintroll cast in warm light and soft shadow.

The darkness that blankets the rest of the world outside of the small circle of the fire does a wonderful job isolating them, creating intimacy that simply can't exist in the light of day.

The world outside is quiet when he can hear it between the breaks in their conversation, free from the noise of other people. The only sounds they can hear are the product of insects and creeps and flowing river. It almost feels like they're the only two people in the whole world. They're the only two people in the world and yet they've found each other. Drawn together by fate or destiny or chance he doesn't know, but they _have_ found each other and there's nothing at all that could possibly separate them now.

 _Stars,_ he loves the way the fire dances in Moomintroll's eyes, beautiful and enchanting. He loves the way the shadows play across his face, constantly moving, ensuring that no moment is truly like any other and every second he spends looking he sees something different but just as beautiful. He loves the way his teeth glint in the light, sharp and dangerous. He loves the white of his fur, stark and eye catching against the darkness, narrowing his focus down to _just_ Moomintroll and _nothing_ else.

Not that he would _want_ to focus on anything else. Not when Moomintroll is sitting there talking animatedly about an adventure Snufkin missed while he was on his own solo adventure, recovering from all the things Moomintroll did to his hands. He can _still_ feel the press of lips against his palms if he concentrates.

He almost wishes he _did_ go on the adventure Moomintroll is talking about though. He looks so happy and excited just talking about it, Snufkin would have enjoyed seeing him react and laugh in real time. But he doesn't mind the fireside story version of events too much. He doubts he would have gotten the chance to look at Moomintroll this much on a group adventure. Not when he wouldn't have the excuse of private conversation to explain away his staring.

He _loves_ the way Moomintroll looks in the dark. He adores him in the bright light of day and shades of gray of dusk and dawn too, of course. He's beautiful all the time and Snufkin will _never_ tire of looking at him. But there's something special to be said for the way he looks at night.

Maybe after they've eaten dinner he'll extinguish the fire and Moomintroll will agree to stargaze with him. There's something especially breathtaking about looking down at his face, stark and oh so easy to find in the dark, and seeing the stars reflected in his eyes. It always looks like the stars have chosen to come out on a clear sunny day when they're cast against the blue of Moomintroll's eyes. It's magical. It's enchanting. It's breathtaking. I

It's _beautiful._ Two of his greatest loves together in one place, one moment in time.

Stars, he's never going to recover from Moomintroll, is he? He's too beautiful, too good, too _perfect._ He's going to ruin him for everyone else. He already _has._ He's been gone on him for far too long for anything else.

He only wishes that--

"Ouch!" he says, paw already pulled back before he has enough time to register what happened. He shakes it a bit.

He was going to give the pot on the fire a quick stir, their dinner should be about done by now and he wanted to check. But it seems he missed the ladle entirely and just tried to grab the pot itself.

"Are you okay?" Moomintroll says, obviously worried. "Let me see."

Snufkin inspects the damage himself for a moment. It doesn't look like anything too serious, a shock more than anything else. At most, a couple of his fingertips may have an _incredibly_ minor burn for a couple of days. Nothing he hasn't dealt with hundreds of times before. No bandages or even burn salve will likely be needed. He must have pulled back before any real damage was done.

The only thing that's been truly injured here is his pride. He can't _believe_ he just almost seriously injured himself because he was too caught up in thinking about how beautiful Moomintroll is. Why is he like this?

He feels a light blush rise to color his cheeks. He hopes Moomintroll will assume it's the lighting that's turned his cheeks pink.

Still, he obediently hands his paw over to Moomintroll. He doesn't want him to worry and the quickest way to put him at ease is to let him see how minor the damage is for himself.

"I'm fine," he says. "Maybe a couple overwarm fingertips but nothing too bad."

Moomintroll looks over his paw, tilting it so he can see with only the fire as a source of light. Snufkin let's him, not resisting any if it. It's nice to have someone care about him so much.

After a while, Moomintroll seems satisfied that he isn't horribly injured, but he doesn't let go of his paw.

"You're right, you'll probably be fine," he says, but there's that glint of something in his eyes that Snufkin is nearly sure he'll _never_ be able to identify. "But I'd still like to try a simple treatment. I have everything I need and Mamma has always said that it can make _any_ wound heal faster."

"Okay," Snufkin says, slightly suspicious but going along with it. He's never heard of any such treatment but--

There's lips on his fingertip. Impossibly soft and gentle. Barely even there at all, but _definitely_ there, sending electricity crackling up his arm to his shoulder.

Oh. _Oh._ So that's what he meant. Of course.

Moomintroll moves to his next finger. The kiss he presses to it is just as soft and gentle as the last, just as heartbreaking.

Snufkin thinks that he's going to stop there. It was only those two fingers that even came within the vicinity of being injured. But he doesn't. Obviously he doesn't. Why _would_ he stop when Snufkin has other finger tips to kiss?

It's all so incredibly _soft_ that he almost wants to cry. It's everything he's ever wanted.

It's everything he's ever wanted and he _has_ it but it's not _real._ It's right there in front of him, it's in his hands, literally, and yet he still can't have it. Because Moomintroll thinks this is something that friends, _just_ friends do. Because Moomintroll trusts him when he tells him things. Because Moomintroll deserves someone better than him.

Because Moomintroll doesn't love him, not in the way he wants him to.

The worst part is that he did this to himself. It's _his_ fault and there's no way to get out of this without hurting _someone._

He hopes it's him. He really, _really_ does. Moomintroll doesn't deserve to be hurt by this.

He tries to ignore the bitterness that sets in on his tongue, but it persists even after all the stew is gone.

 

* * *

 

It's morning.

Usually, Snufkin would be gone by now. Off on a trip by himself so he could think about what happened and try to cope with it. But that's not what he's doing. He hasn't packed up his tent or his bedroll or any of the things he would need. He's still _here._

Now, that isn't because he's suddenly found some bravery or anything. No, it's because Moomintroll asked to stay last night after dinner and he didn't have the heart to say no. So they spent the night together like they have many times before, pressed close together inside his tent.

But then Snufkin woke up to Moomintroll's arm around his waist, chest pressed firmly to his back, a warm pressure helping fight off the slight chill of morning, his purr rumbling through Snufkin's body. Snufkin could still feel his fingertips tingling from the impossibly soft kisses he'd pressed there hours before.

It was great. It was wonderful. It was _perfect_ and everything he's ever wanted and he wanted to throw up.

He was hit with guilt so suddenly he almost _did_ throw up, though he's sure there was nothing in his stomach _to_ throw up.

He shouldn't be doing this. He _really_ shouldn't. It's not fair to Moomintroll, for Snufkin to think things that go farther than friendship when he's not. It's not fair to him at all.

He carefully extricated himself from Moomintroll's hold, mourning the loss of it for more reasons than just the wall of chill he was met with the second he left the warmth of the blankets. He resolutely did _not_ look at his sleeping face, peaceful and beautiful in the gray early morning light that filters through the fabric of his tent, and left to go sit outside in the dewy grass.

He has to tell Moomintroll the truth. He _has_ to. And he has to do it soon, too. He can't live like this for too much longer.

It's just, he doesn't want to lose him. But he thinks he might be about to and it breaks his heat.

Surely, they can't stay as close of friends as they are once he tells Moomintroll that he's been talking advantage of him and _lying_ to him. Or after he tells him he's fallen in love with him, because of course he's going to have to confess that too. There's no way this conversation happens in a way where he _doesn_ ' _t._ Because there's really no other follow up question other than _why_ that could possibly come after being told that his best friend lied to him about the meaning of the kisses. He'll ask him why he lied about it, why he did it in the first place, why it took him so long to tell the truth and there's really no other answer than that he was scared and far too deeply in love.

If he's lucky, then _maybe_ Moomintroll will still want to be his friend after all of this, even if they're not as close anymore. If he's lucky.

He's not feeling particularly lucky at that moment.

Maybe if he--

"Snufkin?" comes a confused, sleepy voice from the entrance of his tent. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he says. He's surprised by the scratchiness of his own voice. He didn't notice that his throat had become to tight, tears pricking at the edges of his eyes. He clears his throat to try to get rid of it. "I'm fine."

Moomintroll stares at him for a long moment. Snufkin forces a smile into his face.

"You don't _look_ fine," he says finally. He walks over and sits down cross legged on the ground in front of him, close enough that their knees firmly press together.

Snufkin wants to tell him to sit on one of the logs around the firepit, he sat in the wet grass because he felt he didn't deserve anything better, Moomintroll doesn't have to sit with him and get wet. But he looks into his eyes and sees stubborn determination there along with that _something_ he'll never know, and he knows that saying such a thing would be futile at best and might make Moomintroll upset at worst.

Moomintroll reaches over and takes both of paws out of his lap, capturing them and bringing them closer to himself. Snufkin almost tanks them back, but for the moment all Moomintroll does is play with his fingers. He lets him.

He should tell him now, shouldn't he? Before he does anything else. He _should_ . But he just doesn't know _how._ He needs a minute to think about what the best way to say it might be.

"Snufkin," Moomintroll says, breaking him out of his thoughts and interlacing the fingers on both of their paws together.

"Yes?"

"You know," he says, lifting one of their clasped pairs of paws to his lips and pressing a kiss to the joint of one his fingers that sticks out between Moomintroll's, "I, for one, think you're pretty amazing."

Snufkin's heart stops.

Usually, he would feel elated that Moomintroll thought he was amazing, but all he feels is the sick knot of guilt in his stomach get tighter. He doesn't deserve Moomintroll's good opinion.

"You're cool and fun to be around and _very_ capable," Moomintroll continues, pressing kisses to his fingers with each affirmation. "You make such beautiful music and you have wonderful ideas and you care so much about the world. You're one of the best people I know. _The_ best person that I know."

He really doesn't deserve this. He should say something to stop him. Surely, Moomintroll will regret saying any of this once he finds out what Snufkin has done, right? He should stop him. He _should._ But his voice doesn't seem to want to work.

"I've never met anyone as wonderful as you, Snufkin," Moomintroll says, looking him directly in the eye. That _something_ he hasn't been able to place is stronger than ever now. "And that's why I don't regret falling in love with you."

_"...What?"_

"I love you," he says simply, like he's stating a fact, like he's telling him that the sun shines in the daytime and the stars come out at night, like he's very much _not_ turning Snufkin's entire world on its head and making clear, bright happiness supernova in his heart, "and I think you love me too."

Snufkin is silent for a moment, trying and failing to get words out. But then it all bursts out of him all at once in one big jumble.

"Wha-I mean-you-and _me-_ I-well-how-yes, I-I love you too," he says, making a fool of himself. Of _course_ he loves him too, he'd be out of his mind not to love Moomintroll. But to think that he loves him _back?_ Incomprehensible. "How did you know?"

"I've read romance novels before," he says. "They're actually pretty nice to read."

"Oh," he says. The book that Moomintroll had been reading before springs to the front of his mind. Had that been a romance novel too? Was he to tell him that he knew? "So you…?"

"Yes, I knew that the "Southern tradition" you showed me was romantic the whole time," he says, smiling softly at him. Snufkin thinks he might _finally_ be able to put a name to that _something_ that's been shining in Moomintroll's eyes. It looks a little like love and a little like mischief. "Well, at first I wasn't entirely sure that you meant it more than a friend, but then you just kept getting so _flustered_ every time I did it. It was very cute. You should have seen yourself."

"Oh."

"And you never did it to any of our friends either. Not Snorkmaiden or Sniff or Little My. Not even _once._ At least as far as I saw," he says.

 _"Oh,"_ he says. He supposes that probably _was_ a little suspicious of him. He should have caught that himself.

They're both silent for a moment, looking into each other's eyes and taking in the change that's just happened in their relationship.

Snufkin doesn't think he's ever felt happier than he does right now.

Moomintroll loves him! He feels a giddy thrill of excitement and relief and _joy_ shoot up his spine every time he thinks about it. Which is constantly, obviously. He hasn't stopped since he first said it. He doesn't know if he'll _ever_ stop.

There's really only one thing that could make this moment any better.

They've been sharing kisses for weeks now, but they haven't had their first kiss yet. Snufkin thinks it's time to correct that.

So he launches himself at Moomintroll as best as he can from his cross legged position. Moomintroll topples backward onto the grass, their paws, still intertwined, land on either side of his head.

"I love you," Snufkin says again, just to hear himself say it aloud, to let _Moomintroll_ hear him say it. He fills the words with as much breathless joy and love as he can, just to make sure he gets his point across.

And then he kisses him. Properly this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments will be answered at the end of the week!! Participating in this event is keeping me very busy. I do appreciate every comment I get in the meantime though!
> 
> In the meantime, feel free to come scream at me about these dorks over on my [tumblr @stingerpicnic](https://stingerpicnic.tumblr.com/)! I promise I'm friendly.


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